Saturday, December 15, 2012

L is for La (Queen La)

Hey there! Expecting Harrison? Well, sorry to disappoint you, but this blog has more than one owner now. This is Coonfoot speaking! Y'know, the guy who one time got in a fight with Harrison over something he said on this blog, but then we became close friends and later started a guy version of this blog (which also needs to come out of its long hiatus)? Yeah, THAT Coonfoot. ...Still don't remember? Fine. Just listen up because I've got some great forgotten ladies to share, too!

The first girl I'll be posting about is one I've wanted to see on this blog for quite a while... Queen La from the Disney Channel series, The Legend of Tarzan! Remember that series that was based off the Disney movie that was based off the Edgar Rice Burroughs books? Well, if you don't, just know that La was based on one of the antagonists of that book series. All these shots come from her first episode, "The Lost City of Opar"
She's queen of said Opar, a lost city deep in the African jungles populated by leopard men.
Hmm... Bare feet... Bare legs...
...Bare most-everything-else... Well-toned abs... Long, platinum blonde hair... Dark skin... Yep, she's a total hormone scrambler! According to Burroughs' books, she's also a descendant of the people of Atlantis. Now why does that sound familiar...?
...Well, that explains a lot about La's looks. Disney knows a thing or two about continuity.
Back to La, one of her goals in life is to find a suitable mate...
...But she hasn't had any luck with that yet. Obviously, it isn't because of her looks, but more because there's not many men in the deep African jungles. The best her leopard men could find this one time was Jane Porter's dad.

Yeah, I'd be upset too, La...
Fortunately, that old man's kidnapping provoked the arrival of a rescue team, consisting of Jane, two animals, and a certain someone...
Hell yeah, she's interested! Who wouldn't be?
You're not gonna let that beefcake leave, are you?
Obligatory barefoot shot!
If I were Tarzan and saw legs like that appear in front of me, I'd leave Jane in a heartbeat. Sadly, this is a Disney show and the heroes never fall in love with the villains.
...And that looks like a villain to me. Either that or someone who knows how to make an entrance.
After seeing the tussle they had with her leopard men, she feels that proper introductions are in order.
Flexing for her isn't going to make her let you go, Tarzan. Even if she does look interested...
"Oh, these jerks? I rule them, but they're way too stupid to not kidnap and attack guests." (I'm paraphrasing, of course)
I love how the designers gave her cat eyes to match the leopard theme. She's like a furry without all the weird furriness.
 "Yeah, sorry about the kidnapping and leopard fights, Professor..."
"...But about your friend here..."
"...Would he like to go ape on some more pussy?" (again, paraphrasing)
That's a come-sex-me look if I ever saw one.
I included this shot in case any deviantART or Rule34 artists needed any size relation reference for some hot, steamy Tarzan/La art. Yes, I know it's a crack pairing, but I REEEAAALLY want to see it happen!
Obviously, Jane isn't happy about the idea, crack pairing or not.
And La isn't happy about Tarzan being married to Jane and therefore not having a chance with him.
I love how unintentionally innocent she looks in this frame.
But she goes right back to being jealous of Jane being married to Tarzan...
"...'Til death do they part!"
"...We'll just have to part them, won't we?" (NOT paraphrasing)
The next day, La takes an "innocent" stroll with her new "friends"...
And "subtly" lets Jane know that she thinks Tarzan deserves better than what he's married to.
Probably not the best idea, La. It'll be a bit harder to do away with her if she's suspicious.
Okay, I'm back to paraphrasing from here on out... "Oh, Tarzan... How would you and your muscles like to take a walk through the jungle?"
"Oh... You want Jane to join us?"
"Fine, but it's her funeral... Uh, not literally, of course."
"I beg your pardon?!"
Mmm... I like a girl who's athletic like that.
There were so many great poses here...
Finally... Alone with the Hunk of the Jungle...
"Mmm... Even your palms are muscular..."
God, the sexual tension here is too much to handle...
 ...Oh, good! Jane's screams of distress broke the tension! Maybe now, my blood can have time to get back to my brain...
La might know what Jane's screaming about...
 "Aw... Jane fall down waterfall and go boom? So sorry to hear..."
 Unfortunately for La, Tarzan's jungle brand of detection skills help him figure out the cause of this quite early.
 So she goes to Plan B. No, not running off...
FORCING Tarzan to marry her.
 Thanks to the leopard men, it's easy to restrain even the buffest of jungle kings.
 I'd run my fingers through that hair, too. BOTH of theirs.
 As an added measure, La uses her own special methods to restrain him...
...A mind-controlling kiss?!
...Oh. She's just blowing a sleep spell into his face. Less hot, but still effective.
 Time for bargaining! Will it be marriage or death? ...Whichever it is, I hope that poofy hair is just part of that headpiece... Or at the very least, the result of a cheap hairdresser.
 "You expect me to talk?"
 "No, Tarzan. I expect you to sleep with me... OR DIE!"
 Despite all the threats, Tarzan still chooses his supposedly dead wife over La. That's either true dedication or poor taste in women...
 Oh, what's that?
 The magnified sun laser is ready! Goodie!
Even a simple smile doesn't make Tarzan change his mind.
 Alright... Long story short, mostly because I didn't get shots of everything that happened...
 Jane, not dead after all, manages to free Tarzan and escape, after a somewhat botched attempt to use the sun laser against La.
 ...And La obviously isn't happy.
 The episode ends with La looking over her now burning city, but thanks to a rain spell...
...We get a hot shot of La in the rain! ...Oh, and her city still stands and she's safe to plot revenge.

So, that's my first post here! Farewell! Until next time, I leave you with this:


  1. Ha ha you're a natural dude! Queen La definitely needed her own post. Nice work!

  2. Man I always had the biggest crush on La she is perfect and nice work I loved the paraphrasing

  3. Awesome!! I was always a huge fan of Queen La.

    And good to know there are others who favor Tarzan with her...